This was it. The final surgery. One last step out of numerous to finally be at peace with his body. After years of transitioning and maturing as a person, the time had come to put a dot at the end of the sentence. And why wouldn’t he? His life had already been on the right track for years. He had an understanding and supportive wife who had been with him from the very beginning, even when he was still trying to realize what had actually been going on in his head. Her name was Lori and he had loved her from the second he saw her many years before in a gay bar. That was the version they knew and remembered. “We met at a park” was a story they would tell their friends and their son.
Lori was the one to say “Go for it, I will be there whenever you need me”. And she was. She held his hand shortly after chest surgery and did not let go until his documents had been changed. Always worried. She even went as far as moving away with him to a different state where they could start a new life. When they settled, there was finally nothing to intervene with their plans. He found a job, she stayed at home and they became one of the many suburban families in the US. Rick quickly made a number of friends in their little community – he was honest, had a clear sense of right and wrong and was very open on what justice meant for him. No one gets left behind. People liked it, especially Shane who soon became Rick’s best friend and the only person who knew about his and Lori’s secret. Shane always wanted to have a family but could not settle down. He was the perfect person to become the biological father of their child. Without Shane, Rick would not know what it was like to be a father. He had a great debt to his best friend.
Waking up from surgery took longer than expected. Something was wrong. When he regained consciousness, the world had already been a different place than he remembered. For the first time when he woke up from surgery, Lori was not there. Rick knew something terrible had happened and that he needed to find and keep his family safe – Carl, Lori and Shane. He was yet to discover that the rules of life and death had been abolished. The dead were now walking among the living and human civilization was to become extinct.
This is Rick Grimes’ story. A story that never was and never will be, because as a society we tend to not put trans people as main characters of our narratives. Let me share some thoughts on that.
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I think by now it is obvious that the Rick Grimes I’ve been describing, is not the character you all came to know and love (or hate) from The Walking Dead series, whether you’ve been hooked on the comics or the series. This Rick Grimes is a figment of my imagination. My subconscious created this new introduction to the show while I was asleep and this was the narrative I woke myself to. “Rick is a trans man” – my mind made me realize, and for the first 5 minutes after opening my eyes, I was close to believing that this was reality and that at least part of what I wanted from the media came true. That I had a character with experiences comparable to mine.
This interesting dream sequence aligned with our Polish organization Trans-Fuzja’s once a month movie club in March, where we planned to watch and discuss Dallas Buyers Club, a movie that had been criticized throughout the blogosphere as, once again, putting a trans character in a form of a prop or plot device used in the movie so that the main character (a cis man) seems like less of an asshole. The discussion on trans representation was a very long one and what I would do is just to invite you to take a look at these two articles – ‘Dallas Buyers Club’ Fails Trans Actors and Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club: Why can’t we cast trans people in trans roles?. And additional two cents from me – if a cis actor receives an award for portraying a trans character just because ‘a trans role is a very hard one’ then that is exploitation and there’s nothing award-worth in it.
Being a prop isn’t the kind of trans representation we are all hoping for in movies. Not only that, I find it quite frustrating that so little movies are able to portray transition and yet also create a full three dimensional character. I think currently Amazon’s Transparent is on the right track with that and this review from Vulture says a lot about how much effort was put into this project. This is, again, a story of transition with a cis actor playing a trans person going through the whole process, it is also, however, a story of family issues, how a family grows and learns to actually be supportive of their parents and kids. And the struggle of the main character is real. She is not a prop. She is a person.
The topic of representation got me to where I am today, dreaming a new story for The Walking Dead’s main characters. But let’s ask ourselves this – what about trans people in an apocalypse scenario? Especially in a zombie-themed movie or series. What would be the struggles of those of us who have somehow transitioned, who needed hormones to get by? Would some of us actually pass? What would happen when bodies started changing? What about safety (is there any during a zombie apocalypse?), relationships or friendships? Is it possible that a group of survivors willingly accepts a trans person to become a part of their group? There are so many possible questions to ask and stories to be told!
In my dream the scenario went in different directions. Rick’s relationship with Shane and Lori and later on with Carl and Judith would have been much more intense. Grimes’ leadership role would also be part of his mental work on the fear of losing his physical and emotional strength (as he does in the actual series!) when hormones would become unavailable. He would do everything to keep everyone together, just like he now does in the series, knowing well enough that this could also save his life in the future. Passing and body issues would follow, and a non-trans focused series would have a chance to portray dysphoria in its worst – where survival is less and less probable. Fear of coming out or that someone could actually discover the fact that Rick was a trans man would leave him to carefully approach anyone, especially women.
The best part about this particular dream is that almost everything aligns with Rick’s current character. Him being a transsexual man would not have changed his character in any significant way, except for some background aspects. Making an interesting three dimensional trans character is not a chore. In fact, it can be pretty easy. All it takes is effort and knowledge. You need to know what you’re doing.
P.S. Take some time to have a gander at The Switch. It’s going to be pretty awesome.
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